To be honest, I’ve never really much liked ‘painting’. I sorta got into it in my last year of high school, and then failed (don’t get me started on the judging criteria, hoops to jump through, like most tests in school). I’ve always liked the control and precision of drawing (and printmaking) and painting just didn’t fill my cup. I finally accepted that part of myself and decided it best to stay away. Then this year I’ve discovered this whole other realm of Expressive Arts. I’ve been delving into that area a bit lately. OK, I admit it’s been more dipping my toes, because it’s scary new territory for me. I have to let go. Let go of it looking ‘nice’, let go of knowing what it is I am aiming for, and, well that’s it..there’s no aim, only exploration. (Which is actually quite freeing.) So I’ve done a couple of plays and it’s been interesting watching/feeling the resistance in me bubbling away as I don't know how this is going to look. Here’s the start of one. I watched a few of Flora Bowley’s Painting session examples to help me get going (find them here), and activated the canvas (aka bit of a cardboard box) with the word ‘play’. Then I left it for quite some time, not quite sure of myself or this process yet. Then when I came back to it when I felt a little more at ease and tried to ‘stay local’ which is great advice of Flora’s to really just focus on the one area in front of you, to not hit overwhelm with looking at the whole canvas. That layer of paint was a bit of an eye opener. I wasn’t expecting to see what emerged, or rather, I hadn’t consciously chosen to create these images. There were pregnant belly shapes, and a swaddled baby shape. (Last year I spent 3 months in hospital getting our baby safely to earth side, it was a rough year for us all. There’s some multi layered grief and trauma to unravel from that time.) I guess in a way you see/find what's wanting to be acknowledged and processed. I left this piece in our spare room for some time not really knowing what to do next with it. I wouldn’t hang this piece, but it was a record of a conversation I had had with myself. Today I went back to it. I’d been feeling a bit heavy hearted, unwell and sluggish. We'd just gone through another turning point of moving forwards and away from last years ordeals, and I think I was feeling it. As a highly sensitive person we can feel emotional upheaval as physical un-wellness. So I went back to the painting and just let my fingers pick the paint, and I worked quickly to not engage in doubts and let go (it’s getting easier). What began to emerge were many moons and galaxy symbols, with a cosmos kinda vibe. Tears flowed and I let go of another layer of held in tension. Recently I had a session with an EFT counselor and we spent a little time pondering the idea of the spirit/soul and when it comes into being. We were discussing this idea, because it’s clear my lil boy had to fight hard to be here. I don’t know what I believe on this subject, but it was good to discuss this. It’s obvious some of this pondering stuck with me. The painting was expressing my mulling over of this idea of souls and the (much) bigger picture of life. As for the moons? Well I am doing a lot of work around the menstrual cycle at the moment, and that cycle matches the moon's cycle. It probably makes for a more picturesque painting than blood hey...haha!
So that’s where I am at with intuitive painting. Gaining confidence, seeing that it’s really a way to journal with colour and hook into the deeper layers without having to find the words for it all. I'm not sure if I am coming back to this painting again, or I've said all I need to say on that one for now. If you want to have a play...it’s a wee leap of faith, but just remember it need only be for your eyes and it can never be ‘wrong’. Here's some thoughts of mine to pass on: Tips to get started: * Just think in colours, brush strokes, mark making and shapes. Images will form when and if they want, and if they don't, it’s just enjoy playing with colour, don’t have expectations, just play. * Use a piece of cardboard from an old box to take the pressure off having to make something ‘nice’ on a ‘nice’ canvas. * Have a selection of paints open and waiting for you to grab whatever takes your fancy. * Consider finger painting, or using hard bits of cardboard to take the pressure off precise brush strokes. * Remember you will layer this up, so the first few colours and patches don’t matter too much, just get started. Write a word to set the intention (like ‘play’ or ‘let go’ etc), do big bold brush strokes, even close your eyes for a bit. (Flora has a video to check out on ways to activate the canvas see here). * Work quickly, notice the doubts that creep in and let them go. * Turn the canvas. You will see new shapes emerge this way. * Just play! Let me know if you have a play! Love to hear how you find it. xxx
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