I think I've finally got my aha moment! The 'what' behind Creative Calm Mumma, I always knew the 'why', but the 'what' was taking it's time to really feel authentic. I started Creative Calm Mumma because I needed to come back to me, and my core after becoming a mother. I had a strong urge to create again, and I hadn't really dabbled in my creative outlets for a long time. I think there are two new births that come with a babies entry to the world, that of the child, and that of the mother. When the initiation of 'motherhood' calmed (slightly) into toddler hood, and I somewhat emerged from the totally engulfing baby haze, I took a years course on art and creativity. It somewhat quenched my thirst of needing to return to visual art making, but my perfectionist nature meant I struggled with creating great 'new' ideas, and perfect pieces of art. So I stalled a lot and fell behind a lot. I finally woke to this perfectionist struggle far too late (even though I had recognised its existence from day one, with the first page of my art journal (See image below)). I knew the beast but still didn't know how to tame it. With my second to last send in of work for the year I FINALLY cottoned on to the fact I was supposed to be showing all the ways I was EXPLORING the mediums not finished pieces to hang on art gallery walls. I did not play nearly enough...I was sad that in some ways I had felt more pressure than pleasure with my art. I wanted to start again. My lil sideline project of Creative Calm Mumma sadly became a little of the same pressure for me. I knew I wanted to help inspire other mummas to use creativity as self care, and to get back a little of their own identity and not be just 'mum'. I knew I felt GOOD when I did create...but I was still missing the mark, because I hadn't gone far enough on my own journey to share that with others yet. I was trying to show something that I hadn't quite grasped. (i.e. wasting time making videos on how to make multi coloured tissue paper. Fun. But soooo time wasting editing bloomin video's, there's a million pinterest tutorials on that already!!) And then. Then calamity hit when I became pregnant with our second child. To cut a long story shot I had to spend 100days in hospital to get this baby safely earth side, and it was very touch and go when he did arrive. 2016 was, for our family, a big black sink hole (but we have such a darling now). These sort of experiences provide yet another sort of re-birth. You experience the world in a new, deeper way. Finally the 'what' of CCM and how I wanted to explore creativity became exceptionally clear in a short space of time.I found a pin on Pinterest advertising Expressive Art workshops and my heart sang out as I explored the website, I signed up for the newsletter and then joined an online group of Expressive Art facilitators and realised this.was.me. The art here was all about expressing what cannot be expressed with words, about putting paint on paper without a pre-planned result, intuitive painting, meditating through paint, pencil, paper, clay. I had never given myself permission to JUST play, to explore like this, and to not have to make something 'pretty'. So I am joyfully stepping into new territory and letting go of the perfectionism.
Now I am stepping into blind contour drawing again and experiencing the release from creating a 'good' picture, to really getting into the zen state of doodling, of playing with line and colour, of looking so closely at the world around me, and the beauty and reflective it holds. Art and mark making begins to hold purpose through it's process, not the end result. I invite you to come and make some beautiful messes with me. xxx Have a look at my 'play' with creativity (and self care) here. (Part 2 coming soon - where I start an art journal for the first time, in its truest sense of the words!) P.p.s I am also becoming much more aware and in tune with my monthly cycle and how affects my creativity and calmness (or non calmness!!) so you will see a bit of that now too. ;) Life changing stuff to explore.
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